betrayal, PLEASE READ, CRITIQUE

[nature]

Doves stand for love/why/doves dont ever cry in the dungen there sinning/with white linning/like the pearl feathers on there beatiful bodys/still looking at me eye to eye/plotting/to dissipitate me in some way/then something somehow/makes there color turn gray/trying to slay I/they turn into dark crows/now black as night they attack in furious flows/pecking at me as I tighten every muscle and it feels like im getting tortured with a thousand arrows/wild birds/its day/but all i see is black/as they fly in hurds/my mind and bodys crys cannot be expressed in words/flayling for my life/with only a rusted knife/i try to dispose of mine/for i cannot live in trife/peircing my skin apart/i insert my heart/doves that standed for love/have betrayled me/from the good trusted above/i took one final deep breath and held in/drowning in blood/as my source of emotions grow slow/it beatinglessly does

[parch]

your description was very well done, i also enjoyed your use of phrase structure that i don't commonly see on this forum. i didn't like the slash marks//// but i don't know what could be used to replace them. one minor bitch would be that you spell words incorrectly some times and use the wrong form of the word, plural vs. singular. that's really not a big deal but i drew my attention away from the poem at points. an occassional misspelling or an imperfect typist doesn't bug me but this did.. so i don't know..

___---parch

[nature]

Thanks for the input, i'll work on my use of language and spelling grammar. I liked your poem Falling West (silver moon) very well said and put. Had much imagery. ITS A HANDCLAPPER!!!

[Hannibal]

The imaagery was great. I very much enjoyed the poem, the changing of the birds, brought much to my imagination. I did like it, the style and it flowed really well. Good job. One of my new found favorites!

[parch]

i'm looking back on this and thinking, "man, you know how to write" your rhyme is amazing.. i noticed it but didn't really 'notice' it before. this is a really good poem. i'm so glad its on the board. don't get a big head, but it is good.
thanks for posting

___---parch

[ts!lo]

i like your poem...ok..a lot...i hope u don't mind me putting it on my page